Dear Editor,
I may be new to campus, but I’ve always loved BYU football. It’s something that I cheered for before I knew what football really was. I’ve been to previous games, including a holy war matchup, at LES, but there was something about the Washington game that excited me; being a new student, going to his first football game was a great feeling.
One thing I don’t understand is why we say “Rise and Shout”, if there is no enthusiastic rising our shouting. I was thoroughly disappointed in the lack of emotion shown by the student body. Maybe it was an off night for us, or perhaps BYU fans don’t get loud till we get to the Utah game. Considering the current BCS system, every game has the same importance in the quest of bowl busting. I may be wrong, but I thought that busting in was the overall goal.
Now I understand holding up the standard at BYU, and I am not saying we should be disrespectful or rude to other teams. I am saying that it is possible to be loud while cheering for our team. I asked a friend who is an athletic trainer how loud it was on the field. Her response was depressing: “not very. I forgot there was a crowd”. Not only that, but when we did cheer, it was pathetic. The “Defense” cheer was started and stopped several times before the play clock ever started.
Having gone independent, BYU will have more opportunities to impress on a national stage. Will we as a student body be ready to welcome Texas and Notre Dame? The football team is doing their job on the field, when will we start to do ours off the field? I don’t think we can be happy with just playing big teams; we need to beat them soundly at home. Part of this issue needs to be corrected by BYU itself. I understand wanting to give every student a good seat throughout the year. However, isn’t there more to watching wins from the nosebleeds in a noisy student section than being on a quiet side watching losses? If Utah can cause multiple false starts by stacking their loud student section together, why shouldn’t we do the same thing?
I’m calling out to all BYU Cougars, it is time for us to “Rise and Shout” and become a dominant home team. Although I suppose the Vegas Bowl is a nice place to play, it has become like our second home.
Skyler Aitken
(I need help shortening this by 150 words, any suggestions would be great. I'm thinking about shortening the first two paragraphs. Thanks class)
Maybe cut "I've been to previous games, including a holy war matchup, at LES,"?
ReplyDeleteA couple years ago, my grandpa gave my sister and I tickets for spectacular seats. The game was an awesome win. But I remember sitting there, observing the fans around me. ... For people willing to pay for front-and-center seats, they didn't really seem to be enjoying themselves as much as I would have expected. Especially with the big banner out on the front of the stadium that read "BE HEARD." But I compared the more quiet fans to the obnoxious ones, and I sort of saw why some people might not want to be loud. (For example: One obnoxious man was loud enough to get the finger from an away team player. He was not the most obnoxious.)
I guess there's a certain balance. I think we need boundless enthusiasm, but also dignity and decency.
I totally agree on the dignity and decency. I have a friend whose mother was infamous for the obnoxious. Would it be better to specify the noise as more of an organized group than individuals screaming and yelling?
ReplyDeletePerhaps. Maybe we just need to get behind our school as a student body. Instead of being dull spectators, or annoying jerks, we should be Cougars!
ReplyDeleteI like what you're saying. I agree with it.
I looked for things that could be taken out, but couldn't see anything I wanted to be left out, it's all good and builds the argument.
ReplyDeleteAs a former cheerleader, I have been wanting to solve this problem for years! I felt like no matter how hard we tried we couldn't get the crowd to cheer loud enough! But that's besides the point. Your writing was pretty good and you argued your point well. I would suggest using the word "until" instead of "till", and using the word "suggesting" instead of "saying" in your third paragraph.
ReplyDeleteI think the Daily Universe actually takes up to 250 words, so that's makes it easier. And sometimes, I've noticed that if it's really well written they make exceptions... You're at about 420 now, so try to shave off about 100--think concise, see if there's any sentences that have less of an important role, are sort of repeated, or could be combined with other sentences.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the word change suggestions. I'll work on combining things into the same sentence, as well as removing the repetition.
ReplyDeleteI felt the same thing as you did against Washington. I think we can improve big time on that as well! I say we begin a revolution. I have an idea. Talk to me about it! I'm being serious. I think there are positive ways of making a difference with this and I have a connection.
ReplyDeleteWe shall talk after class... although to be fair, if the revolution is to start against Nevada, I wont be at that game. Missionary homecoming in Boise.
ReplyDelete