Dear Athletic Department,
College, who would of thought it would come so fast. High school is over, the real world is upon us. At first arriving to BYU I was nervous and felt overwhelmed. There is so much to do and so much to learn my days of cruising and relaxing through school are over, time to go to work. It was hard at first because I was doing everything on my own with no one to help me or explain what had to be done. Just when I was convinced that college was hard and depressing, I learned that because I was on the football team I had so many people who were there for me to help me whenever and with anything I had questions about. That is when I met my football councilors Coach Hamblin and Jamal who were only a call away. You two have helped me so much, which by doing so has relieved me of so much stress towards the enrollment process and school itself. You even went out of your way to help me with financial aid till my scholarship is active. I honestly would of struggled through this whole process had it not been for you two and the offices help. I recall coming in countless occasions with a different problem every time for example; there was enrolling in school, class changes, class drops, F.A.F.S.A, and so much more and with ease u pointed me in the right direction making it as simple as possible. I just wanna take the time to thank you and your department, because I speak not only for myself but for the majority of student athletes when I say thank you for what you do and continue to do for us. The services your department provides will continue to benefit student athletes now and many more future prospects and commitments. In conclusion I express my deep gratitude once more, thank you.
My Regards,
J. Toloa'i Ho Ching III
College, who would of thought it would come so fast. High school is over, the real world is upon us. At first arriving to BYU I was nervous and felt overwhelmed. There is so much to do and so much to learn my days of cruising and relaxing through school are over, time to go to work. It was hard at first because I was doing everything on my own with no one to help me or explain what had to be done. Just when I was convinced that college was hard and depressing, I learned that because I was on the football team I had so many people who were there for me to help me whenever and with anything I had questions about. That is when I met my football councilors Coach Hamblin and Jamal who were only a call away. You two have helped me so much, which by doing so has relieved me of so much stress towards the enrollment process and school itself. You even went out of your way to help me with financial aid till my scholarship is active. I honestly would of struggled through this whole process had it not been for you two and the offices help. I recall coming in countless occasions with a different problem every time for example; there was enrolling in school, class changes, class drops, F.A.F.S.A, and so much more and with ease u pointed me in the right direction making it as simple as possible. I just wanna take the time to thank you and your department, because I speak not only for myself but for the majority of student athletes when I say thank you for what you do and continue to do for us. The services your department provides will continue to benefit student athletes now and many more future prospects and commitments. In conclusion I express my deep gratitude once more, thank you.
My Regards,
J. Toloa'i Ho Ching III
This is a great letter and I can tell your appreciation is sincere.... My only question is whether you want to say "wanna" ("I just wanna take the time to thank you and your department, because I speak not only for myself...) and "u" ("with ease u pointed me in the right direction...") because it seems to depart from your more formal tone throughout the rest of your letter.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad they could help you! Some things you have listed are indeed quite confusing but it's great everything worked out.
Your title caught my attention! Great letter! I felt like I was reading a story as I was reading your letter. I enjoyed that. I second what MCooper said with the the voice that you convey. Keep it up! :)
ReplyDeleteWow! That was a really great letter! I could tell you really meant it. I would suggest changing the sentence "help me with financial aid till my scholarship is active" to "help me with financial aid UNTIL my scholarship WAS active." Otherwise, awesome paper! I loved it!
ReplyDeleteGreat letter! I think sometimes we only write to people when we want them to change something or when we disagree with something, and forget the value of writing to them when we want to thank them and support what they've been doing. Great job! Make sure to email it to people in the Athletics department and/or to the football councilors that you mention in the paragraph, so that you can say you've sent it in the reflection.
ReplyDelete@ mcooper thank you i did not even notice i said ''u'' and ''wanna'' i was really trying to stay away from that but i guess i failed to do so thank you. Also thank you everyone for your input it is much appreciated and i need some guidance when it comes to my writing.
ReplyDelete