Bang! The door slams as the seventeen-year-old she stomps into her two-story house. The frustrations from the long day finally comes loose; homework loads from teachers, intense speed workouts from coaches, music lessons. The council from her parents pulses in the back of her mind. They have always told her that when she feels down, angry, or inadequate, to turn to the scriptures and they will change the way she feels. No matter how, much she tries to shake it off, she can not remove the council from repeating in her mind. She picks up her Book of Mormon, knowing that the act of reading the book has changed her attitude numerous times in her past, and begins to study, exactly where she left off the day before. Multiple lessons and morals can be learned from stories in the scriptures that, if applied in one’s own life, can change his or her attitude around.
The story of Nephi, in the beginning of The Book of Mormon sends an inspiring message about fighting through diversity. Nephi and his brothers are commanded to return to Jerusalem in order to retrieve the plates of brass. After collecting all their treasures from their abandoned house, Nephi and his brother attempt to bribe the wicked King Laban to give them the plates, of which, the king did not. After the fail, Nephi suffered a beating from two of his brothers of which the only person who could save him, was an angel. Nephi then had to kill King Laban after the spirit told him to (far from an easy task.) Eventually, Nephi found the plates and returned safely with his brothers and a servant. By enduring these challenges, Nephi can show a teenager that school work, sports, and music can be a struggle, but harder tasks were endured by others such as Nephi.
Flipping a couple books over to Alma, one reads about the stripling warriors. Although only teenagers, 2000 young men fought for the Lord. Their faith grew from their mothers’ teachings. Feelings of fear and never seeing their families again must have rushed through their minds as they marched off to battle, but they remained brave and full of faith, ready to do as their commander Helaman instructed. After a gruesome battle where slain bodies littered the ground, every single one of the 2000 stripling warriors remained standing. Their faith in God and their mothers’ words carried them through battle safely. Today, a teenager must have the same faith to do as his mother, father, or leaders instruct, and pick up The Book of Mormon in order to change his attitude.
The seventeen-year-old closes her Book of Mormon and feels peace. Suddenly the homework loads from teachers, the intense speed workout from coaches, and music lessons does not seem so overwhelming and upsetting. She knows the endurance to finish the day like Nephi finished his job with the plates, or the faith needed to change one’s attitude like the faith of the stripling warriors can come to an upset teenager, all she has to do, is open the book.
I really like the way you started this out. It definitely created an image in my mind and I can surely relate to it. Your writing is very interesting and easy to read and you made some good points. The only suggestions I have deal with some grammatical errors. You don't need the word "she" in the first sentence. Make sure to check the sentence-verb agreement as well. The word "comes" in the second sentence would make more sense as "come." Great paper though! I enjoyed reading it!
ReplyDeleteHey Erin! I too found your essay very interesting to read! I enjoyed what you wrote and your thought process! I agree with nbullen; there were a few instances where the verb did not agree with the subject. There were also a few words that I thought there could be a better word choice. Kudos! Your style of writing is very appealing to your intended audience! :)
ReplyDeleteI did like your hook into the essay, but I think that you could have changed your subject to "one" instead of a seventeen year old girl. This way, you can universalize your readers and help relate your thesis to a general audience. It would also add a touch of professionalism to the essay.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the comments made before. I thank you for sharing the essay.
ReplyDeleteI like the style, how you use a story to emphasize how the rhetoric in the Gospel can bring peace. I would enjoy it even more if it were a little simpler, with some divisions to make reading easy.
ReplyDeleteI love the style of the essay and how your first sentence really catches your eye and makes you want to read more! There are many examples and stories that kept me interested. Good work :)
ReplyDeleteEvery time I read "Scripture Power" I think of a song I learned in Primary, that I think was published in the Friend. "Scripture power, keeps me safe from sin. Scripture power, it's the power to win..." I apologize... tangent...though perhaps it was interesting.
ReplyDeleteGreat use of an extended example throughout your essay. It worked well. In regards to C.J.'s suggestion, it depends on what you want to achieve. Using "one" instead of girl could make it feel more universal...but it could also make it feel more formal and less like a real story. It's all a rhetorical choice!
That was the exact song I was thinking of when I wrote it.
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