If we want to take care of our drug problems, we need to help Mexico with theirs. Now I know the Obama administration has given millions of dollars to help Mexico combat the drug traffickers; but, I feel that there is more that can be done.
The current Mexican President is doing all he can to fight the problem; but, the help of one man can only get so far when many law enforcements, such as police, remain corrupt to this day. They need our help. And why shouldn’t they get it? The drug traffickers have our help. They make their profits here; they get their guns and weapons here.
Many lives are being lost, including American ones. As time goes on, the drug traffickers are getting bolder.
-Kiara Hurlburt, 18, Springville, Utah
Great topic, Kiara. Very relevant. However, you make assertions that typically require facts to back them up and offer them as evidence. If you cited sources for your factual assertions, your argument would be much stronger.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I was just trying to get this done in time. For my revision, I'll definitely add sources.
ReplyDeleteHmmm... I don't see the problem. What's wrong with drugs? I mean, come on, a few happy people in this world wouldn't hurt anyone:)
ReplyDeleteI think that perhaps you should emphasize what could be done a little better. I like the facts and such, but perhaps end by saying something about how our government should help out more. It would make it more powerful and hopefully leave an impression on the audience.
ReplyDeleteGreat argument, and well written. I agree with Selea though--what specifically is the "more" that you want done about it? If you have people convinced, but don't give them something specific that can be done, it loses some of the power of the argument.
ReplyDeleteHaving been to mexico, I can agree with the need for help. The border towns are especially bad. Hopefully there is something that can be done. There are too many lives being lost.
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